Pumpkin Spice Tylenol
A cozy, evidence-based blend
Completely unprompted and out of the charitable nature of our red, white, and blue-branded hearts, (certainly not a knee-jerk reaction to a drastic slump in quarterly sales), Tylenol is excited to extend a heartfelt season’s greetings in the form of a new, limited-edition capsule that cures seasonal depression as surely as it does not cause autism: Pumpkin Spice Tylenol.
Pumpkin Spice Tylenol contains cinnamon, nutmeg, canned pumpkin, evaporated oat milk, and medicinal espresso. Honestly, every 200 mg dose is like licking the reddest, crispiest maple leaf. One pill, and it’s like your mucus was manufactured by Yankee Candle. Why bother with complicated science (blech) when you can enjoy a soothing dose of comforting spice?
Harvested then wood-smoked, Pumpkin Spice Tylenol comes packed in your choice of old-timey apothecary bottle. Admire this autumnal acetaminophen through a haze of hazel-tinted glass. Likewise, our redesigned capsule features a tawny shell striped in eggshell white and burnished auburn. Please do not confuse Pumpkin Spice Tylenol with Candy Corn. Please do not claim Pumpkin Spice Tylenol causes autism.
Pumpkin Spice Tylenol is the #1 doctor-recommended treatment for children, teenagers, and pregnant mothers with a basic grasp of evidence-based research.
Show the most important woman in your life that her health comes first—with a premium, trusted product that definitely does not cause autism.
Happy Holidays!
Love,
Tylenol
*Does not cause autism.
Originally published on Robot Butt.